“I grew up cursing a lot.”

I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot.

My buddies, we’ve always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out – that’s the goal.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

Comedy, such a lovely lady, she’ll pick you up, you your feeling blue.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.

I think the reason I don’t read is because, when I’m reading, I feel like I’m missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where’s my girlfriend?

I know I want to always do the best I can.

When you’re shooting a movie you are away from home most of the time. It’s an amazing thing that we get to do what we get to do, but you definitely are away from the family more than you’d like to be.

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That’s a lot of coloring when you think about it.

I’ve always had lots of friends and my house was the house they all hung out at.

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

I’m getting older, and it happens. You don’t care as much. I don’t care about too much anymore. I’ve got to think about that a little bit.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I don’t know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can. I never was like that as a kid.

Change is not a four letter curse word I once believed it to be.

Try to make others happy, and don’t despair over all the evil in the world. Instead of cursing the dark, let us each light one small lamp.

Cherish that which is in you and shut out that which is without, for much knowledge is a curse.

For the curse of Cain, the curse of being an outcast and a wanderer over the face of the earth has been removed.

O marriage! marriage! what a curse is thine, Where hands alone consent and hearts abhor.

Strapped, noosed, nighing his hour, He stood and counted them and cursed his luck; And then the clock collected in the tower Its strength, and struck.

In our time, the curse is monetary illiteracy, just as inability to read plain print was the curse of earlier centuries.

Nothing is worse and more hurtful than a happiness that comes too late. It can give no pleasure, yet it deprives you of that most precious of rights – the right to swear and curse at your fate!