“So yesterday you fell off the wagon? Or maybe you blew your diet? Or lost your temper and shot off your mouth? Well, that was yesterday. Today is a brand-new day with a clean slate, so forget yesterday!”

Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with old age. Nothing does – except wrinkles. It’s true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.

While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, it usually spoils faster.

Fighting fire with fire only gets you ashes!

It is almost impossible to throw dirt on someone without getting a little on yourself

The less you talk, the more you’re listened to.

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.

There is no end to the undeserved misery and mischief it could create.

Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you’re prepared to lose.

A bad habit never disappears miraculously, it’s an undo-it-yourself project.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to get married.

It is totally unconscionable to subject defenseless animals to mutilation and death, just so a company can be the first to market a new shade of nail polish or a new, improved laundry detergent. It’s cruel, it’s brutal, it’s inhumane, and most people don’t want it.

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.

Women who miscalculate are called mothers.

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

Love is what enables us to bridge the gap of disappointment when others don’t live up to the expectations we have of them.

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to “prove their love” like a moose needs a hat rack.

Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own; he who, secure within, can say, tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.

Choose the day and choose the sign of your day! The day’s divinity! First thing you see!!

My fun days are over.

One of these days I might be able to contribute something to the world.

I want to be a Texan 24 hours a day.

On these days I go to my studio, leaf through an art history book, and tell myself that I am part of this great tradition.

Each day is a drive through history.

I felt in need of a great pilgrimage, so I sat still for three days and God came to me.