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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Bob Monkhouse

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  Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

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  I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!

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  With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.

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  I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!

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  Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

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  My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

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  I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.

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  I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

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  I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

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  Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

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  I got my start in silent radio.

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