Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
BILL HICKSI’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Marijuana grows naturally…Don’t you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don’t know, unnatural?
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The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.
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I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
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I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don’t know, and I feel it’s my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . .
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you’re honest.
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Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
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Let’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
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Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!
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How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.
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I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy.
BILL HICKS