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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Bob Monkhouse

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Home Humor
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Guarantee Humor
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Life
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Knows Sinner Winner
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Wife
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Feet Funny Humor
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Sex
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Homeless Humor
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Silence

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

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Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

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Popular Authors

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