If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLYIf Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLYPeople who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLYPaddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLYScotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLYThe only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
BILLY CONNOLLYFor me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLYNow, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
BILLY CONNOLLYA well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
BILLY CONNOLLYWhenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLYI used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLY