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I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.

Billy Crystal

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Couple Laughing People
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ghouls Saws Sids
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Country Funny Humorous
In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Football Games School
I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hearing Noise Scared
It is better to look good than to feel good.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedian Feel Good Looks
You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hands Kids Play
As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Actors Character Directors
Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
BILLY CRYSTAL

News Puck Puff
I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Happiest Heaven Life Thinking
[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dad Stars Uncle
You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Death Kids Love Own Play
I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Thinking
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fifth Grade Growing Height
Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dream Kids Thinking
We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
BILLY CRYSTAL

Audience Front Growing Men Self Used

I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.

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I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.

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