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A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

Brendan Behan

I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Catholic Communist Dark
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
BRENDAN BEHAN

May Results Tasks
I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Drinkers Problem Writing
I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Alcohol Drinking Two
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Criticism Editors Funny
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Marriage Sexy
Scream at God if that’s the only thing that will get results.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Prayer Results Scream
An author’s first duty is to let down his country.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Down Firsts Let
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company’s time and with its blessing.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Blessing Husband Marriage
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn’t affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Saint Theatre Two Years
A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles … it takes your mind off the cost of living.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cost General Living Mind War
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
BRENDAN BEHAN

Deeds Forget Poor
That you, sister. May you be the mother of a bishop.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Humor Mother
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Children Married Painter
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Inspirational Irish People Psychosis
There’s no bad publicity except an obituary.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Bad Obituary Publicity
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Judging Said Umpires
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment… a place where you’re least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Funny Irish People Spiritual
When I’m talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
BRENDAN BEHAN

People Talking Way
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Determination Men Suicide
I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Beer Drinking Food
I ruined my health drinking to other people’s.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Drinking People Ruined
When two men fight over a woman it’s the fight they want, not the woman.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Fighting Men Two Woman
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Dublin Irish Life People
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Hands Life Modern Toss
Pound notes are the best religion in the world.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Money World
What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Differences History Men

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

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A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

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