“I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.”

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint… it has to do with creating and sharing.

What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who’ve helped me.

I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.

Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?

I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!

Sixteen years I’ve pounded my head against the mentality of America, which…I’d say it’s about an 8th grade emotional level.

I was in Australia….Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den….think of the parties.

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.

I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life.

I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you’re honest.

Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick–‘You hate this country’….I have to tell him…I just hate being lied to.

To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.

Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.

It’s very embarrassing to be put on the spot.

It’s all right leaping about the stage when you’re 20 but when you get to 25 it gets a bit embarrassing

I struggle to learn by rote. I’ve had meltdowns on set. Which is embarrassing and shameful.

It’s a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research & study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other.

The country of the tourist pamphlet always is another country, an embarrassing abstraction of the desirable that, thank God, does not exist on this planet, where there are always ants and bad smells and empty Coca-Cola bottles to keep the grubby finger-print of reality upon the beautiful.

The internet makes it much easier for politicians to communicate directly with voters – think of the interest when David [Cameron] launched WebCameron, or Tony Blair’s rather embarrassing attempt to catch up on YouTube.

I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.

It’s embarrassing when you try to overthrow the government and you wind up on the Best Seller’s List.