Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
BO BURNHAMWhat’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
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What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
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I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.
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And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
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People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
BO BURNHAM






