black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he’s like “there’s a golf shot. That’s a golf shot.” Well of course it’s a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don’t see Gretzky skating around going “there’s a hockey shot, that’s a hockey shot.”
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Golf Humor
I guess because of the drop in the barometric pressure it affected my brain and I was destined to become a stand up comic, although at that age I wasn’t aware of my destiny.
BILL ENGVALL

Age Aware Barometric Comic Destiny Pressure
I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn’t know it ’till he hit the ground.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Jumping
Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, “Hey… We don’t hit”. He looked at me like, “Here’s your sign, Dad”.
BILL ENGVALL

Dad Looked Son Yesterday
I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don’t want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won’t get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin’ up as it does goin’ down.
BILL ENGVALL

Butter Peanut Sick Taste
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Two
I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, “Dude, shut up.” She hadn’t walked two feet behind us and he goes “God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?” And all I could say was “Yeah, I did!”
BILL ENGVALL

Behind Dude Saw Shut Size Things
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
BILL ENGVALL

Bed Getting Older Thinking
I was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
BILL ENGVALL

Dork Fell Hunter Out Tree
It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
BILL ENGVALL

House Moving Wife
I’ve about decided if it wasn’t for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you’re just hangin’ out with your buddies.
BILL ENGVALL

Gay Hell Sex
I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane.
BILL ENGVALL

Brain Destiny Texas
My buddy says to me you think he’s been hunting? Nope, They’re probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Hope Hunt Purchase Sign
I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco… I’ll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Country Guy Sitting
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail.
BILL ENGVALL

Pieces Sex War
The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
BILL ENGVALL

Brain Humans Instruction

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Engvall Quotes