“To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.”

I was a disabled child. So, people made fun of me, don’t pretend like this never happens. But at the same time, I never cried about it. I never got sad about it.

Now if a joke is in bad taste or it’s not funny, okay, that’s awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer’s job is, and I don’t think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement.

I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.

It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world’s problems?

MOMMMM, I’m thirsty… What’s this, just water?

You ever think about this? Every year you live, you pass the anniversary of your death. Now you don’t know what day it is, of course.

You know, a lot of people feel that sobriety is about just stopping using whatever it was that you appeared to be addicted to, but it really has to do with a way of looking at your life and taking accountability.

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

If your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.

You mix a bunch of ingredients, and once in a great while, chemistry happens.

Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God? Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive.

I’m learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life…procrastinating and rationalizing.

We must dream so big that without the support that comes through favor with God and man, we could never accomplish what is in our hearts.

Democrats’ attack on the Republican majority leader is nothing but a coordinated agenda to stop an effective leader from accomplishing the people’s business.

Jesus didn’t accomplish everything so that you could accomplish nothing.

My goal is to prove that the fundamental battle for the hearts and minds of a generation can be accomplished only under democracy.

You can only accomplish the amount you dream.

If frequency with which you cite an education credential does not decrease over the course of your life, you’re not accomplishing very much.

It’s not like I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing, I just have to forget about what I’ve accomplished and just accomplish more.

When I accomplish ten times what I’ve accomplished already, I’ll start thinking about that. But a better way to put it is I kind of forget about it. I do it and I forget about it. And I just work.