“The truth is, anybody that becomes famous is an ass for a year and a half. You’ve got to give them a year and a half, two years.”

Different vodkas have different effects. Some make you feel a little… poly-lingual. Some make you feel like you want to talk back to someone who’s giving you a hard time. Some make you feel like lifting kettle bells.

The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.

Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.

When everything goes well. When sails rip, engines freeze up and you find there are organisms growing inside the diesel, it’s terrible and amazing stuff.

It’s hard to be an artist. It’s hard to be anything. It’s hard to be.

Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.

That’s sort of why I got into acting. I realized the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, that’s a job I could be proud of. It’s changed my life learning that, and it’s made me better at what I do.

Somewhere there’s a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can.

But I can only take so much TV, because there is so much advice. I find people will preach about virtually anything – your diet, how to live your life, how to improve your golf. The lot. I have always had a thing against the Mister Know-It-Alls.

I really don’t know what’s going to come out of my mouth.

You’ll never be good if you don’t know that you are.

You know…they say an elephant never forgets. What they don’t tell you is, you never forget an elephant.

Groundhog Day’ was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn’t even get nominated for an Academy Award.

There’s only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing.

I don’t answer fan mail. I don’t have time for that. It’s like hundreds of thousands of people who think they’re going to become millionaires getting autographs from movie actors. I don’t have time for those idiots. I’ve got stuff to do.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

We have to let nature put what’s left together, and see what it can come up with to save our ass.

The bench press per se is not a risky exercise. When done right, it can help improve upper body strength and size. It’s only when form takes a back seat to numbers and when it’s grossly overtrained that problems result.

You can’t tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!

Don’t be a jerk to other comics and don’t let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you’re going to get somewhere.

We’ve dressed up in our best and are prepared to go down like gentlemen.

You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground, you know that?

The Devil is an Ass , I do acknowledge it.

Is your head up your ass so far that you can’t pull it out?