The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY