In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY