“Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren’t for Christmas We’d all be Jewish.”

Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

I thought I couldn’t afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: ‘Oh well,’ and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

Live everyday as though it’s your last ’cause one day you’ll be right.

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?

I’m not against half naked girls – not as often as I’d like to be.

That’s what show business is, sincere insincerity.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Do unto others, then run

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

Christmas for me is all about spending time with my family. I cherish any chance we have to spend all day together making gingerbread houses, baking cookies, or sitting around and watching movies.

The Christmas message shows us that this love is for everyone. There is no one beyond its reach.

The smell of pine needles, spruce and the smell of a Christmas tree – those to me, are the scents of the holidays.

I beg to present you as a Christmas gift the city of Savannah.

The reason the world is not seeing Jesus is that Christian people are not filled with Jesus. They are satisfied with attending meetings weekly, reading the Bible occasionally, and praying sometimes.

It is an awful thing for me to see people who profess to be Christians lifeless, powerless, and in a place where their lives are so parallel to unbelievers’ lives that it is difficult to tell which place they are in, whether in the flesh or in the Spirit.

Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

Time always seems long to the child who is waiting – for Christmas, for next summer, for becoming a grownup: long also when he surrenders his whole soul to each moment of a happy day.