“I’m not saying my mother-in-law is fat – because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.”

I once got sacked for laughing … mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as women.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

If you want to drink, have a drink… if you want to drive, then drive… there’s nothing worse than having a smash sober.

I’ve got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you’re 71 years old. People just think I’m a silly old fool.

You are what you eat…..I’ve eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn’t believe

Every time feels like my first time. And I just find that the process of it feeds into one’s own self-obsession.

I felt at some point that I had nothing to lose, and [laughs] maybe I was wrong. I think, you know, there’s always these little autobiographical secrets behind things. I think I was really attacking my earlier self, and this kind of pretentious figure.

For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching has become a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

Take away the self-conceited, and there will be elbowroom in the world.

There was a time when intellectual meant someone who uses reason and intellect.

So put a quarter in your ass Cuz ya played ya’self

To understand ourself, we must understand our “selves,” or the parts of us that motivate our thoughts, decisions, and behaviors.

The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he’s going to be.