“I’ve got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you’re 71 years old. People just think I’m a silly old fool.”

I once got sacked for laughing … mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as women.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

If you want to drink, have a drink… if you want to drive, then drive… there’s nothing worse than having a smash sober.

I’m not saying my mother-in-law is fat – because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

You are what you eat…..I’ve eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn’t believe

My first, big, silly role at school was as Arthur Crocker-Harris in Rattigan’s ‘The Browning Version,’ where my job was to make school-masters’ wives weep with recognition.

People are too durable, that’s their main trouble. They can do too much to themselves, they last too long.

I was always performing, doing silly voices. The teachers realized I could go one of two ways: be creative or destructive.

Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I’d never used it. I’m 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.

Our doom is, to be sifted by the wind, heaped up, smoothed down like silly sands. We are less permanent than thought.

I think the evidence is just so overwhelming that Jesus existed, that it’s silly to talk about him not existing.

What unhappy beings men are! They constantly waver between false hopes and silly fears, and instead of relying on reason they create monsters to frighten themselves with, and phantoms which lead them astray.

Maurice was a silly man. Maurice liked being silly.