“My theory about comedians is that their greatest fear is other people laughing at them. So comedy is an attempt to control and manipulate the thing they find most frightening.”

There are practical things which contribute to a joke’s funniness. People will find a joke funnier if they are sitting closer together, if it’s cold, if they’ve paid and if they are told it’s funny beforehand.

It is hard to keep a straight face during comedy scenes. It’s considered really bad form to laugh at someone else because you can ruin their best take. But sometimes it’s very hard not to.

Steroids are] not healthy, … There’s a real health issue with steroid abuse. At any level, but particularly a young age level. There are many adverse health effects so I think it’s a concern we have to take as a college-level group.

I don’t defend what a comedian might say but I defend to the death his right to say it.

Whatever happens in life can happen on the stage, but as a comedian you should always be clear what your target is. It’s fine to be gratuitously tasteless if that’s what you are intending to do. It’s that old line:

Those who have never worked nude outdoors just can’t imagine how much better a breeze feels on their skin than an item of sweaty clothing.

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.

For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

Whatever talent I had, I’m sure it helped that my parents were in the business and that I grew up around actors, comedians and directors.

I want to have fun. Life ain’t no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I’m a comedian; I ain’t no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.

I’m funny. I’m a comedian. I’m not a clown.

I’m not a politician, I’m a comedian. I know my limitations.