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(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

Tina Fey

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
TINA FEY

Attempt Decision Easier History Myself Thing Worst
I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
TINA FEY

Baby Basketball Boring Champion Every Most News Spell
When humor works, it works because it’s clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.
TINA FEY

Already Clarify Come Feel Humour People Real Someone Work Working
When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
TINA FEY

Autistic Coworker Emotion Person Picture Recognize Struggle Taught Worst
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
TINA FEY

According Cardiovascular Develop Disease Funny Marriage Less Lonely Marriage Satisfying Study Women Worry
(Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)
TINA FEY

Cry Everyone never People Say Some Terrify
(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)
TINA FEY

Children Moment Protest Time Uncles Witty
Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite,Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea.
TINA FEY

Baby Book Down Husband Love Pick Pray Prejudice Pride Right
To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.
TINA FEY

Afraid Contribute Discussion Mean Something Worthwhile
A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.
TINA FEY

Baby Boss Determine Medical Rectal School Study Thermometer Way
Every kid has something they’re good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.
TINA FEY

Final Good Gravitate Kid Learning School Something Toward
If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.
TINA FEY

Book Dominate Mad Male People Practical Tip Woman Workplace
In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
TINA FEY

Cope Humor Life People Real Situation
Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.
TINA FEY

Average Cities Sex Totally Wardrobe
It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’
TINA FEY

Attempt Celebrity Country Funny Hime Magical People Report Won
A wise friend once told me, ‘Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.’
TINA FEY

Designer Fashion Tell Wear Wise

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

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(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

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