Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
TINA FEYIt was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.
More Tina Fey Quotes
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I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
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North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror.
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When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
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Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
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My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
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I had to get back to work, .. NBC has me under contract; the baby and I have only a verbal agreement.
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Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.
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Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.
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Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions… Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.
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If you ever start to feel good about yourself… …. they have this thing called the internet.
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I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did – Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.
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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
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In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
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Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
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It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.
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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
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This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.
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I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.
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You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.
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Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.
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In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
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I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, ‘Yeah, I’m not cool enough for the West Village.’
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Lesson learned? When people say, “You really, really must” do something, it means you don’t really have to. No one ever says, “You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.” When it’s true, it doesn’t need to be said.
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If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
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‘How do you juggle it all?’ people constantly ask me, with an accusatory look in their eyes. ‘You’re screwing it all up, aren’t you?’ their eyes say.
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Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
TINA FEY