black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.

Tina Fey

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
TINA FEY

Bomb Dog Feel Late Order Purchase Safer Sniff Too
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
TINA FEY

Humor People Smart Tell Witty
In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
TINA FEY

Attempt Decision Easier History Myself Thing Worst
Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.
TINA FEY

Amaze Even Got More Movie Review Worst
MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure?
TINA FEY

Accusatory Applies Class Constantly Eye Look Make Statement Voice Witty
Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do
TINA FEY

Confidence Delusion Hard Percent Ten Thinking Want Work
When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.
TINA FEY

Dress Funny Halfway Play Inhernity Men Woman
When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
TINA FEY

Autistic Coworker Emotion Person Picture Recognize Struggle Taught Worst
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
TINA FEY

Actual Convert Gay People Thinking Witnesses Witty
I can’t possibly take time off for a second baby, unless I do, in which case that is nobody’s business and I’ll never regret it for a moment unless it ruins my life.
TINA FEY

Baby Business Nobody Poisble Regret Ruin Second Take Time Unless Do
Lesson learned? When people say, “You really, really must” do something, it means you don’t really have to. No one ever says, “You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.” When it’s true, it doesn’t need to be said.
TINA FEY

Baby Learn Lesson Mean People Really Something Witty
A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.
TINA FEY

Baby Boss Determine Medical Rectal School Study Thermometer Way
I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
TINA FEY

Confidence Disproportionate Funny Look Parent Raise Thank
Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
TINA FEY

Crazy Done Great Like Look Makeup Overcome Photoshop Witty
Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.
TINA FEY

Answer Difficult Itself Present Sometimes Stail
In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
TINA FEY

Cope Humor Life People Real Situation

I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Tina Fey Quotes