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If you’re so smart, let’s see you get out of the Army.

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I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.
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Ball Game Player Skill Successful
You have to have a catcher because if you don’t you’re likely to have a lot of passed balls.
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Ball Because Catch Likely Lot Pass
There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.
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Baseball Do Game Lose Rain Three Thing Win
I was a left-handed dentist who made people cry.
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Cry Dentist Hand Left Made People
Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.
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Always Atop Good Hit Pitch Versa Vice
They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I’ll never make the mistake of being seventy again.
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Advance Club Desire Go Keep Longer No Program Put Service Told Want Young
Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.
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According Alphabetically Everybody Height Line Up
It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.
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Friend Like Many Meet So Use Wonderful
If I’ve got a good pinch-hitter, I hate to have him stay on the bench with men on the bases in an early inning. He may end the game right there.
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Base Bench Early End Game Good Got Hate Hiter Inning Men Pinch Right Stay
Without losers, where would the winners be?
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Be Loser Where Winner Without Would
I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.
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Drive Fellas Let Like Run Them Three Two
Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.
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Baseball Hurt Look Night Player Professional Stay Woman
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
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According All Alphabetics Everyone Height Right
I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I’ve been thrown out of so many.
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After Ballpark Great Honor Many Name Out So Special Thrown
I don’t know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.
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Ball Know Spit Spitball Sure Throw
You can’t go out to the mound hobbling and take a pitcher out with a cane.
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