I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
P. J. O'ROURKEIf you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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There isn’t much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
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The beauty of democracy is that an average, random, unremarkable citizen can lead it.
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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
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When you’re a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, ‘Gee, I wouldn’t want to be doing that.’ They’re on your side.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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You’re never going to read ‘The Wealth of Nations,’ and you shouldn’t, really. It’s 900 pages.
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A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods.
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Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State’s registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they’re going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can’t understand what they say.
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
P. J. O'ROURKE