If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
P. J. O'ROURKEEven very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
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I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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It’s better to make fun of yourself because you’ve always got someone around to make fun of, and they can’t sue you.
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow… he wasn’t evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
P. J. O'ROURKE