I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN COREN
Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN COREN -
Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN COREN -
A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
ALAN COREN -
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
ALAN COREN -
Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
ALAN COREN -
Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
ALAN COREN -
But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN COREN -
To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
ALAN COREN -
10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
ALAN COREN -
Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
ALAN COREN -
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN COREN -
Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
ALAN COREN -
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
ALAN COREN -
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
ALAN COREN -
Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
ALAN COREN -
It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
ALAN COREN