Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN CORENEnjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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