Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
ALAN CORENEthnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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