“I can’t get too offended when somebody parodies me.”

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.

It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we’d pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it.

Beans, beans, the magic legumes – the more you ingest, the more you consume.

At this point I’ve got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when ‘Weird Al’ wants to go parody, it’s not meant to make them look bad… it’s meant to be a tribute.

I don’t want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that’s more my personal taste.

I decided that I wanted to be a voice on every animated cartoon in the history of the world – even shows that haven’t been on the air for a very long time, that’s going to be harder to pull off.

Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I’m praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows.

On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!

I think I’m equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the “Letters and Tomatoes” column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.

There’s enough people that do unfunny music. I’ll leave the serious stuff to Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline.

In the ’80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV.

Focus on what you’re grateful for in your life. If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t get any more… because the universe thinks it’s not important to you, and therefore you don’t need any more.

Becoming rich isn’t as much about getting rich financially as about whom you become, in character and mind, to get rich.

Two things will get you to leap out of yourselves into the promises of God today. One is purity, and the other is FAITH, which is kindled more and more BY PURITY.

I was lucky: I didn’t get married, so I didn’t have to have that responsibility.

Pentecost came with the sound of a mighty rushing wind, a violent blast from heaven! Heaven has not exhausted its blasts, but our danger is we are getting frightened of them.

I never looked back there, but she was like, ‘Will you all just shut up!’ And I just got up and moved three rows in front. She was like, ‘What are you doing?!’ I was like, ‘You better get up here! I don’t play the fighting games.’

It is better to live ready than to get ready!

I’m the last one to get any moves correct. In rehearsals it’s always, ‘OK, one more take for Zac.’