“If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it’d be a travesty.”

Technology is an incredible tool – it connects people to each other.

Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.

We need an investigation, because we don’t know what Donald Trump owes Russia.

There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.

People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.

Some of George W. Bush’s friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during these times of trial.

I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.

When you live in New York, one of two things happen – you either become a New Yorker, or you feel more like the place you came from.

We don’t know how many Russian oligarchs have invested in his business.

I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.

I also focus on Bush and his administration – who do a lot of lying – and how a right-wing media has allowed them to get away with a lot of stuff that, in a different media environment, they probably wouldn’t be able to get away with.

Which is why I think any loving, committed couple — gay or straight — should be able to get married.

I’m part of the mushball middle. I consider ‘confused’ the majority position because, thankfully.

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

I like the liberal tradition; I like the Hubert Humphrey tradition fighting for civil rights.