“Looking at a tableau of Ford, Carter and Nixon, Dole said, ‘There they are: Hear No Evil, See No Evil and Evil.’”

I might think they use a little bit too much oil; some people might think it’s a little dry. But the problem with al Qaeda is they want to kill us.

When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government.

I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.

They’ve had local rightwing guys who’ve become national rightwing guys, and who build slowly, and that’s how it goes. We haven’t had that. It isn’t like we have a farm team.

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal.

They had developed all these bad habits of being objective and balanced and stuff like that.

Being a comedian, you’re under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform – to deal with pressure without stress.

Russia has a strategy of creating the conditions that give rise to corruption, then exploiting that corruption to its own benefit.

Sometimes if I tell people, ‘I’m afraid that I’m really a fraud,’ or ‘I have a lot of self-doubt,’ they go.

Putin has had many positive experiences working with Western political leaders whose business interests made them more disposed to deal with Russia.

Gary Bauer is a very good – he’s a good friend of mine.

They’re about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.

Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.

But in the right-wing media, they do have a right-wing bias. And they also have an agenda. So their agenda is: we’re an adjunct of the Republican Party, and we’re going push that agenda every day, and, as you say, brand these stories that help further the right-wing cause.

No matter what you’re going through, it makes you forget about your problems. I think the world should keep laughing.

I’m no genius.

No matter what, people grow. If you chose not to grow, you’re staying in a small box with a small mindset.

No water, no life. No blue, no green.

We had no refrigerator, no shower or tub, and no privacy. My parents shared the bedroom with my sister and me.

No realistic, sane person goes around Chicago without protection.

People demand freedom only when they have no power.

No man wants to settle down. It happens. Eventually you’re going to bump into somebody that makes you go, ‘Hmm, I don’t mind seeing this person every day.’