“Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet.”

I like grown up comedy.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

But I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.

So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.

All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.

I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.

It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.

I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.

I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.

If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.

I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.

A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom.

Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.

I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,

Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.

I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.

I just want everyone to know I’m suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn’t let go.

I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.

To work in architecture you are so much involved with society, with politics, with bureaucrats. It’s a very complicated process to do large projects.

No matter how large a horse’s ass you are, to stay by your side until death. A fool could tell you this is a bad deal.

I fight, knock them out, have some sex and Monday I’m back to hitting bags and kicking ass.

Only I can’t do them so I ended up on my ass followed by the most unsightly backward roll out of it, followed by the cast falling over in laughter and a good portion of the audience too.

Did you see The Never-Ending Story? That’s one kick-ass dragon. It’s basically a giant puppy dragon.

I worry that I can come off smarmy. I wonder if I was listening to myself if I’d want to kick my own ass.