“They say that I have no hits and that I’m difficult to work with. And they say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Well, it’s either kiss me or kill me, that’s how I see it.

I don’t think that you should be per­fectly candid and frank about the intimate details of your personal life with the public at large. Subsequently, it creates consider­able personal problems.

There’s always free cheddar in the mousetrap, baby.

I guess I’ve always lived upside down when I want things I can’t have.

I sold a quart of blood and bought a half a pint of scotch.

I can’t listen to so much music at the same time. I think you really have to have a diet. You’re just processing too much, there’s no place to put it. If you go a long time without hearing music, then you hear music that nobody else hears.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

We are all just monkeys with money and guns.

I dunno when I started writing really. I was, like, filling out applications and stuff real early. Last name first, first name last, sex. ‘occasionally’ , stuff like that. Then I was writing letters, filling out forms, writing on bathroom walls.

Most people don’t care if you’re telling them the truth or if you’re telling them a lie, as long as they’re entertained by it.

I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.

I’m just trying to make a buck like everyone else.

I admit that I ain’t no angel, I admit that I ain’t no saint – I’m selfish and I’m cruel and I’m blind. If I exorcise my devils, well my angels may leave too. When they leave they’re so hard to find.

There’s nothing that makes me laugh more than being in the situation where you’re not supposed to laugh. Funerals. People crying. Breaking down. Telling you their life. I’m the worst. I’m the worst at that.

If people are a little nervous about approaching you at the market, it’s good. I’m not Chuckles The Clown. Or Bozo. I don’t cut the ribbon at the opening of markets. I don’t stand next to the mayor. Hit your baseball into my yard, and you’ll never see it again.

If you get far enough away you’ll be on your way back home.