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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’

Adam Ferrara

I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARA

Believe Different Distance God Long Question Religious
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA

Come Conquest Driven Ego Funny Humor Lie Lying Sexual Tend
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
ADAM FERRARA

Chicken Father Funny Kiss Once Room Sex Talk Walked You
The girls are beautiful in Hollywood – and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
ADAM FERRARA

Beautiful Caulk Funny Girl Hollywood Silicon Sink
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA

Bathroom Funny Humor. Trying Make Nice Night Now Thing Use
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Happiness Happy Humor Important Ladies Touch
I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Girl Humor Meant Meet Sincerely Sleep
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman
There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
ADAM FERRARA

Alright Animal Dating Dinner Funny Go Kingdom Movie No Quick Sniff
You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARA

Away Country List Mailing Month People Relative Thing Wife
Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
ADAM FERRARA

Disaapering Got Hidden House Keep Napkin Ring Spoon Start
I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
ADAM FERRARA

Bed Boogie Funny Hurt Man Middle Night Pop Running Under
I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
ADAM FERRARA

Arrogance Civilization Demise Human Thinking
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
ADAM FERRARA

Biggest Funny Girl Girlfriend Humor Life Love Now Right Thing
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
ADAM FERRARA

Celebrate Celebration Day Earth Easter Egg Favorite Funny Holiday Jesus Rabit
The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Length Marriage Observed Parent Time Year

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’

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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’

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