“Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.”

Don’t count your boobies until they are hatched.

The unicorn is a mythical beast.

All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.

A false or misunderstood word may create as much disaster as a sudden thoughtless act.

The difference between our decadence and the Russians is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic.

Americans want to go to heaven without dying.

The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody’s guess.

If you wonder which is the stronger sex, watch which one twists the other around her little finger.

I myself have known some profoundly thoughtful dogs.

When all things are equal, translucence in writing is more effective than transparency, just as glow is more revealing than glare.

The act of writing is either something the writer dreads or actually likes, and I actually like it. Even re-writing’s fun. You’re getting somewhere, whether it seems to move or not.

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.

Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation.

For one thing, she pronounced flowers ‘flars’ and I couldn’t let it slide.

Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.

Let the meek inherit the earth — they have it coming to them.

There was no difference between the behavior of a god and the operations of pure chance.

They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.

Intelligent men are cruel. Stupid men are monstrously cruel.

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

I don’t say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.

That’s all teaching is; arranging contingencies which bring changes in behavior.

The Constitution was not written to restrain the citizen’s behavior, it was written to restrain the government’s behavior.

Learning is defined as a change in behavior. You haven’t learned a thing until you take action and use it.