“My intention is never to hurt anybody. I’m happy when people are having a good time.”

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.

I think the reason I don’t read is because, when I’m reading, I feel like I’m missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where’s my girlfriend?

I know I want to always do the best I can.

I grew up cursing a lot.

When you’re shooting a movie you are away from home most of the time. It’s an amazing thing that we get to do what we get to do, but you definitely are away from the family more than you’d like to be.

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That’s a lot of coloring when you think about it.

I’ve always had lots of friends and my house was the house they all hung out at.

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

I’m getting older, and it happens. You don’t care as much. I don’t care about too much anymore. I’ve got to think about that a little bit.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I don’t know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can. I never was like that as a kid.

Never seen my friends do more push-ups, trying to challenge Cruises’ manhood. It was like, I can be strong, too!

I did rocks, all this dumb stuff. But now it’s just trying to stay afloat and just get through the days.

The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said – you can do that.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I just do what Clint Eastwood does: Keep moving forward. You can’t look back or think about that kind of stuff too much. You just keep making movies; hopefully you make some good ones.

You get a bigger paycheck if you are the hero. There is something good about it.

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

I drank for about 25 years getting over the loss of my father, and I took the anger out on myself. I did a good job at beating myself up sometimes.

My father was a fish market porter. So I grew up on fish, because he used to steal one a day, I grew up on the very best fish that money could buy, ’cause he only stole the good stuff.

The first couple of times I went out and heard my voice or heard people listening when I wasn’t the one playing it for them, it felt good.

I want to do good work. I want the opportunity to work with good people, and the only way I’m gonna do that is to commit 110% – you get out what you put in.

I got good grades in school, but I’m not sure if I’m smart or if it just means I can study. I’ve never taken one of those IQ tests, and I don’t want to. It’s so pointless. As long as you enjoy life and have fun and you’re healthy and happy, that’s what matters.