“I haven’t ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.”

Japanese is sort of a hobby of mine, and I can get around Japan with ease.

I love my own coincidences and love to hear other peoples’ stories.

I live a sensible life. You know, I don’t take on too much.

Every comic can report a few ‘gift from the gods’ moments.

I don’t think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience’s reaction is from another.

I have a long list of things that make me mad.

Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it’s hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.

Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.

I’m not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn’t really bother me.

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they’re qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.

Home schooling as an idea is on a par with home dentistry.

It was well after college that I learned about depression. I got my first job for Jack Paar. I realized I was sleeping 14 hours a day and just living for the Paar show.

Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

To call New York’s traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.

I find that the love we share fills me up and makes me see and appreciate life in a different way.

Boxing is like jazz. The better it is, the less people appreciate it.

There is a direct correlation between your appreciation of what Christ has done for you and the expression of worship.

I’ve been that celebrity on the red carpet, and I appreciate that something hasn’t got to just look good from the front, from the back, it’s got to look good at all angles.

The only time I get upset by things written about me – when people write irresponsible things about my weight… I appreciate that young girls look up to me. And I take that very seriously.

I still have a lot of pleasure doing them, but as time goes by I come to appreciate more clearly which paintings are good and which should be discarded.

Your favorite virtue? An appreciation for irony.

Reflecting on where I came from helps me to appreciate and balance what I have now.