“When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.”

We of this age have discovered a shorter, and more prudent method to become scholars and wits, without the fatigue of reading or of thinking.

You should never be ashamed to admit you have been wrong. It only proves you are wiser today than yesterday.

If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.

Cruel people are ever cowards in emergency.

Books, the children of the brain.

Party is the madness of many for the gain of a few.

No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience.

One enemy can do more hurt than ten friends can do good.

The worthiest people are the most injured by slander, as is the best fruit which the birds have been pecking at.

Reasoning will never make a man correct an ill opinion, which by reasoning he never acquired

No man will take counsel, but every man will take money. Therefore, money is better than counsel.

It is as hard to satirize well a man of distinguished vices, as to praise well a man of distinguished virtues.

If you were not reasoned into your beliefs, you cannot be reasoned out of them.

It is the talent of human nature to run from one extreme to another.

Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it, so that when men come to be undeceived, it is too late; the jest is over, and the tale hath had its effect.

When I am reading a book, whether wise or silly, it seems to me to be alive and talking to me.

I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to stay in a business where I have to get up earlier and earlier and it takes longer and longer for me to get in front of a camera.

I like my mug shot. I think I have a really great mug shot. It looks like a magazine shoot.

What happens inside always appears outside.

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

I thought I had a type but I don’t really have a type anymore. I just look for a girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I’m not even white. I’m off-white. It’s a new race; we will prevail!

No one has nicer teeth than me. Why would anyone laugh at my lovely teeth?

My dad used to say, ‘Just because you dress up in a coat and tie, it doesn’t influence your intelligence.’