Sarcastic Quotes

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth – anonymously and posthumously.

It’s all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he’s perfect.

I always put clothes and family photos under the mattress, in case the house burns down.

The ceiling fan in my room is so strong it’s making my hair look windswept.

The only frustrating thing about jail is that I can’t make music.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there’s a gas bill tied to it.

Success is the best revenge. I always feel women should answer back either with their sarcasm or success.

My tattoos have become a part of me. When I look in the mirror, I just see my face.

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.