P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.

You’re never going to read ‘The Wealth of Nations,’ and you shouldn’t, really. It’s 900 pages.

Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself.

Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.

The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.