We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk. BERNARD MANNING FunnySleepWitty
I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as women. BERNARD MANNING MenRejectedSex
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. BERNARD MANNING BirthdayChristmasFunny
If you want to drink, have a drink… if you want to drive, then drive… there’s nothing worse than having a smash sober. BERNARD MANNING DrinkSoberWantWorse
I’m not saying my mother-in-law is fat – because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image. BERNARD MANNING LawMotherSelf
I’ve got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you’re 71 years old. People just think I’m a silly old fool. BERNARD MANNING SillyThinkingYears
You are what you eat…..I’ve eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn’t believe BERNARD MANNING BelieveCuntsEatFats
