There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
QUENTIN CRISPKeeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.
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Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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In England, nobody’s your friend.
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
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Manners are love in a cool climate.
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As we all know from witnessing the consuming jealousy of husbands who are never faithful, people do not confine themselves to the emotions to which they are entitled.
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When asked, ‘Shall I tell my mother I’m gay?’, I reply, ‘Never tell your mother anything.
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I like living in one room and have never known what people do with the room they are not in.
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The curiosity of the neighbors about you, is a tribute to your individuality, and you should encourage it
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The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as ‘Soho’ poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.
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It’s a strange situation, but people will pay your fare to get you to go and tell them how to be happy.
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If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
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My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.
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The … problem that confronts homosexuals is that they set out to win the love of a “real” man. If they succeed, they fail. A man who “goes with” other men is not what they would call a real man. The conundrum is incapable of resolution, but that does not make homosexuals give it up.
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Well, it has done terrifying things. Religious ideas are inflammatory in a way that I find difficult to understand. There are very few wars over the theory of relativity. Very few heated arguments, for that matter. Whereas, in Northern Ireland, they are killing one another over religion.
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The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
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I asked a girl who came from America to England, when I was only English, and she admitted she had been to a drama school. And I said, “What did they teach you?” And she said, “They taught me to be a candle burning in an empty room.”
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One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
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The key is never, never work. Nothing is more aging than work. It’s not only the strain of getting up in the morning for work, but it’s the resentment that settles on your face
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The English think that incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.
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Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
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In England, the system is benign and the people are hostile. In America, the people are friendlyand the system is brutal!
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Quentin Crisp (to handsome young man on the street): “What’s the matter, sexy? Don’t you like dehydrated fruit?
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You will survive if you believe in yourself.
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The measure of woman’s distaste for any part of her life lies not in the loudness of her lamentations (these are only an attempt to buy a martyr’s crown at a reduced price) but in her persistent pursuit of that occupation of which she never ceases to complain.
QUENTIN CRISP