Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
QUENTIN CRISPThe trouble with children is that they’re not returnable.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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I’ve never not been famous.
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Never get involved with someone who wants to change you
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If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
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Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who…have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.
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I simply haven’t the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
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To live in the past is to miss today’s opportunities and tomorrow’s blessings.
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Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.
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The world now seems a stunningly ignoble place. It has not really grown all that much worse but appears to have done so because we know so much more about it than we did.
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I’m happy to say she was laughing while she said it, but she meant it. I’ve never learned to be a candle burning in an empty room. So I go on the screen, and I say whatever I’m told to say.
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Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
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The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
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To lose is not always failure.
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The English think that incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.
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The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
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If I have any talent at all, it is not for doing but for being.
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It’s been agony but I couldn’t have done it any other way.
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I have to realise that as I am only English and am allowed to live in America, I have to give something in return. And since I cannot build a hospital, or endow a university, I can only give my infinite availability.
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If you don’t stay in some days, you can’t recharge your batteries.
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I don’t think you can really be proud of being gay because it isn’t something you’ve done. You can only be proud of not being ashamed.
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It’s no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’ By then, pigs will be your style.
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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say ‘Can I make up?’ and he would say ‘Oh yes – tinted?’, or he would say, ‘Oh yes – clotted?’
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Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret.
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For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.
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My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.
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When asked, ‘Shall I tell my mother I’m gay?’, I reply, ‘Never tell your mother anything.
QUENTIN CRISP