The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
QUENTIN CRISPThere is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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People are not heterosexual or homosexual, just sexual.
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Men get laid, but women get screwed.
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Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level.
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The happiest moments in any affair take place after the loved one has learned to accommodate the lover and before the maddening personality of either party has emerged like a jagged rock from the receding tides of lust and curiosity.
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I’ve never not been famous.
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I simply haven’t the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
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I never spend my time doing anything I’ll have to do again tomorrow.
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Women have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.
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Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who…have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.
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I never saw Portsmouth by day.
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I take it to be axiomatic that people are revolted by witnessing the shameless gratification of an appetite they do not share.
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I asked a girl who came from America to England, when I was only English, and she admitted she had been to a drama school. And I said, “What did they teach you?” And she said, “They taught me to be a candle burning in an empty room.”
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If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.
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I never say ‘No’ to anything.
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One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
QUENTIN CRISP