Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
QUENTIN CRISPThere are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can’t think what to do with the long winter evenings.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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I recommend limiting one’s involvement in other people’s lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. This may seem too stoical a position in these madly passionate times, but madly passionate people rarely make good on their madly passionate promises.
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The … problem that confronts homosexuals is that they set out to win the love of a “real” man. If they succeed, they fail. A man who “goes with” other men is not what they would call a real man. The conundrum is incapable of resolution, but that does not make homosexuals give it up.
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I don’t like peas, and I’m glad I don’t like them, because if I liked them I would eat them and I hate them.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
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What my parents thought of this, I don’t know. But they bore it. And the real problem was not my sin, but my unemployability.
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
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Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.
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Fashion is a way of not having to decide who you are. Style is deciding who you are and being able to perpetuate it.
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Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
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Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level.
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Men get laid, but women get screwed.
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People are not heterosexual or homosexual, just sexual.
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The curiosity of the neighbors about you, is a tribute to your individuality, and you should encourage it
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The search for a life-style involves a journey to the interior. This is not altogether a pleasant experience, because you not only have to take stock of what you consider your assets but you also have to take a long look at what your friends call “the trouble with you.” Nevertheless, the journey is worth making.
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
QUENTIN CRISP






