Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKERussians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that’s when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino’s box.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
P. J. O'ROURKE






