Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'ROURKERussians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Global warming is a fact. Now it’s up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
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To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
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Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
P. J. O'ROURKE -
Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'ROURKE