The minute somebody joins a committee… they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee.
P. J. O'ROURKEAgriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall.
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What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it’s so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I’ve received a spam text.
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If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It’s going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it’s the Democrats.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
P. J. O'ROURKE