The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
P. J. O'ROURKEHumans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the ’70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he’s saving a parking place.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
P. J. O'ROURKE