Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
P. J. O'ROURKEPreachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.
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I rarely meet a politician that I don’t like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it.
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A fundamental American question is, ‘What’s the big idea?’
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
P. J. O'ROURKE