The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'ROURKEGlobal warming is a fact. Now it’s up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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The budget doesn’t have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn’t have much control over the budget.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There’s more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it’s awfully close to human.
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Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived.
P. J. O'ROURKE