The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
P. J. O'ROURKEEvery vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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You can’t destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America’s elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and about half the time, you’re doing us a favor.
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I believe in God. God created the world.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
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Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization – an appeal to civilization itself.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
P. J. O'ROURKE