You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
P. J. O'ROURKEFinland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How’d they get so rich? Because they’re free.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of ‘I hate strangers and anything that’s different.’
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The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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If you think health care is expensive now, just wait ’til it’s free.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
P. J. O'ROURKE






